Rail Rules
At the Rail, we have a few house rules. We consider them common sense but for those of you that lack basic courtesy. We present to you the rules of the bar.
Rule #1
Don’t leave odd. If you have a wooden nickel, you have another drink coming. Also…with that nickel, don’t order a Miller Lite then walk up to the bar with your nickel and ask for a Guinness or a Jack. We’ll laugh at you and that would just be shady anyway.
Rule #2
Don’t be offended by our bar paraphernalia. These things have graced our bar for years and are not meant to offend, but to entertain. I.E. The donkey with the circle and slash doesn’t mean “no democrats;” it means no jack-asses! Also the “Yankees Suck” bumper sticker doesn’t mean we don’t like Northerners — just your stupid baseball team. One of our owners is from Connecticut. Go Sox.
Rule #3
This is not your Mother’s house. It’s OK to throw peanuts on the floor. The oils keep our floor nice and conditioned and since they are swept every night it gives our door guy something to do when the bar closes.
Rule #4
Don’t give the door guy a hard time for checking your I.D. We know: “You just turned 22 and you’re not that ‘immature 21-year-old’ anymore.” If you are 28 but look 16, take it as a compliment and get over it. Don’t forget, we have the right to refuse service to anyone. So have your I.D. ready and be prepared to have a good time.
Rule #5
Once you are inside, don’t cause trouble! Just a reminder: Our regulars vary from rugby players, bikers, army rangers, kung-fu champions, hyper ballerinas, construction workers, lawyers, and art students jacked up on red bull. And they like us….a lot.
Rule #6
It is OK to throw peanuts on the floor, but it is not OK to throw peanuts at one another. Or at the bartender. Or at the door guy. Or at anyone else for that matter. Only on the floor. No exceptions, so don’t ask!
Rule #7
If you leave your credit card over night and we have to search for it when you come in with a hangover the next day — inevitably during a rush — don’t be angered by an added gratuity. If you had “that much fun,” we consider it a baby-sitting fee.
Rule #8
When people around you are having a good time, please don’t play Pink Floyd on the jukebox. This is a fun neighborhood bar, not a mortuary. We will skip the song and your money will have been wasted. We also reserv the right to skip a song. Any song. Guess what? We probably have heard that damn Journey song 3 times before you walked in. Sorry. It happens.
Rule #9
The only drink that is blended here is whiskey. Grow up.
Rule #10
No whistling, yelling, or throwing things at your bartender to get his or her attention. Even if it’s really busy. If you do, you will be thirsty for a long, long, long, long time. Try paying attention. Unlike your local chain bartender, Rail bartenders use their eyes to see who is next. It is good bartending. Know what you want and be ready to pay cash or start a tab. On that note, if you think it is inconvenient for YOU when you we inform you about a ten dollar minimum tab using cards, you need a reality check. Start a tab with more than two beers or bring cash. Seriously.
Rule #11
No whining! Stop it. Seriously. You’re only making a fool out of yourself. Sometimes the peanuts run out. If it is 2:30, we are not getting more nuts for you in lieu of serving last call drinks. No we can’t put a beer on your card. Grow up. If you keep it up the person you came with will wind up leaving with someone else. In fact, we’ll recommend someone else to them.
Rule #12
We are a very generous bar. Don’t embarrass yourself. We have heard that line, “Last time I was in here my drink was weak,” before you even snuck a sip of your Grandpa’s MD 20/20. Plus, we remember customers. We will make you drink the same as always if you say that. And you just look dumb. If your drink isn’t “strong enough,” ask for a double. Or go to a meeting. Or quit getting Amaretto Sours and get a whiskey.
Rule #13
We have another bar upstairs. If you point at the stairs and ask “what’s up there?” We say “Another bar. Upstairs.” Please don’t ask how to get there or we might have to cut you off. Sometimes there is karaoke up there. There are usually signs. Read.
Rule #14
Our thing is “Fun and Snarky”. We don’t want to put others down or put our bar on a pedestal. Come with no expectations and The Rail Can’t disappoint you!
